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Just to let you know…after I wrote Monday’s post that showed up on Tuesday about my spoiled kids, I went and had another talk with Ethan. He and I were much calmer. He opted to bag his toys like his sister did so he could have a snack. I now have 5 bags of toys in the garage. Keep in mind some of these are big toys that’s why there are so many. One bag has 3 huge baskets from Easter and Halloweeen, and a semi truck that is pretty large. By eleven, we were all calm and friendly and the rest of the day went just fine.

My sister wrote a response to my entry that I was lucky to even have kids. Kind of bigger world view on my panties in a wad response. She’s right, most of the time. Unfortunately, being a parent is no fun sometimes. But I’d be a parent than not, so Thank you God for my kids, thank You for their health, and give me the strength and wisdom to know when to teach them and when to let it slide.

I don’t know if I’ve ever blogged about this, but once upon a time, I had a really bad week that helped me understand the childlessness plight. I understand that some people chose to be childless and I’m glad. I wish some people who had kids would have thought about what they were doing before having unprotected sex, but that’s another blog.

My bad week was in 1999. My husband had decided he was ready to start having a family, I agreed, and the next day I quit taking birth control pills. It didn’t take but 3 months and tada, I was pregnant! Yippee! Right before I found out I was pregnant, I found out my boss was also unexpectedly pregnant. I worked in an office with four other women and one man. So I’m 4 weeks along and she is pregnant too. I knew better than to say anything about it yet. So I waited till 6 1/2 weeks when I first went to the doctor and he confirmed.

The next week I was seven weeks pregnant, and although feeling odd, felt like it must be because I was pregnant. The next Monday, I got to work, and my boss went to her doctors visit, and then stopped by the office to tell us that she had miscarried and had to have a D&C the next morning so she’d be out the rest of the week.

We were so sad in the office. One woman and the man were in their 40s and had already had their children. One girl was 18 years old and was dating so wasn’t really in a family mind set. The other woman was my age, and had been undergoing fertility treatments for months. I was pregnant. Together we grieved for our boss and friend.

On the following Monday, she returned to work, and it was my turn to take off a couple of hours to visit the doctor. I was 9 1/2 weeks pregnant. I was told by the technician performing the ultrasound that the fetus didn’t have a heartbeat. The fetus had stopped developing shortly after my first doctors visit, and I had not yet naturally aborted, instead it stayed. My doctor scheduled a D&C for the next morning. I was heartbroken. I called the office and of course, my boss said to take off as long as I needed.

The next morning, after the nurse gave me something for nerves, my family stood around me while I waited to go back for my operation. My mother’s father had died the afternoon before and they didn’t know how to tell me. I asked them how he was because I knew he hadn’t been well, and my sister shook her head while our eyes locked and I knew he had died after a long battle with Parkinson’s and dementia.

You don’t have a funeral for a miscarriage. I went, instead, to a funeral for my grandpa later that week. While thinking about all the good and bad times he and I had had together, I also grieved for all the times I wouldn’t have with the child I had lost.

The next week when I went back to work, the young unmarried intern was very upset. I kept telling her that I was going to be okay. She finally broke down, and told me that over the weekend, she had found out that she was pregnant. She was afraid of my reaction since I had just lost a baby. Instead I was so happy for her because it helped me to see life moving forward even thought she had a lot of obstacles to overcome being so young and overmarried.

My next two pregnancies were fine and successful. I have two children, a boy and a girl. They are both healthy and intelligent. Some would say it was perfect. And it is.

July 26, 1999, Rest in Peace Grandpa Roy, and Toby Elyse.