Disconnected
by GinafishSometimes I worry about the modern American family. I watched a home video tape yesterday to see what was on it, and it was a visit that my mother went on, with her mother, to go visit a relative, my great Aunt. Most of the video was the three ladies, sitting down, just chatting like the camera wasn’t there.
Some of the conversation was about what’s new with people, who had visited my aunt lately, and then talk of people from the old days. How my great aunt had birthed other people’s babies in trucks on the way to the hospital. A conversation about how my great great grandpa had built coffins for other folks. Just various family history kind of tidbits.
The older I get the more I realize how little I know about people I call family. Until two years ago, I didn’t know that my dad had a mammy when he was growing up. Nor did I know that for 6 months he’d live in Arkansas, going to school, the other six months he’s whole family would move to California to pick crops. Mostly grapes.
What’s frightening to me, is that the American family experience is rapidly shrinking. When I was little, we gathered for reunions, holidays, funerals. I’d even venture a guess that until the nation was ‘industrialized’, most people lived within an hour of their entire family. Aunts, uncles, cousins, 3 or 4 generations, living close together. Helping each other out. Knowing all about each other’s business, who was sick, who was graduating school, who just lost their jobs, who was courting who. Knowing what was going on with their family.
I live 30 minutes from my parents and sister. My only living grandparent also lives 30 minutes away, but use to live 2 hours away. I have 3 cousins on my mothers side. One lives in Boston, MA, the other two in Corpus Christi, Texas. My uncle who doesn’t have children lives in Oregon, I’ve met his wife maybe three times that I can remember.
On my dad’s side, I have 24 first cousins, at least 15 second cousins, and around 10 third cousins. That means some of my first cousin’s are grandparents. The live at closest 2 hours, and then it’s all over the country, Kansas, Colorado, and other places I don’t know about.
I have no clue what most of them look like and could sit beside them in a restaurant for 3 hours and still not know them. Much less what their life was like.
My great aunt that I mentioned above just moved into an independent living facility. I know she didn’t want to go, but as far as I know, no one offered to let her stay with them. I might have, but first off, I didn’t know she was in that place in her life, and if I had I couldn’t have let her stay at my house, but might have talked my mom into letting her stay with her. (I honestly don’t have room for her in my 2 and 1/2 bedroom house. 1/2 because my daughter’s room is 6′3″ x 9′8″. (Yes I went and measured). We almost don’t have room for ourselves)
I don’t know what the future of the industrialized world holds as families become more spread out, more disconnected… I don’t know if anyone else cares… I’m just grateful that I see this disconnect so I can reach out if only to tell them that I feel connected and I care.
Now that I’ve depressed myself, I’m off to go play with my kids. With them, I can always hope for the best.
